Sharing a home with somebody who needs one

By FRAN MORELAND JOHNS

Almost from the moment they bought their graceful, four-level 1901 Victorian across from Alamo Square Park, Owen and Kris O’Donnell have opened it to outsiders. 

When their sons were growing up in the 1970s and ’80s there were nannies and au pairs from abroad. Later there were friends of friends who needed a room and a family. People of varying ages, sexes and needs were welcome, and almost all became lasting friends.

“One of the first,” Owen says, “was a podiatry student who was a pain in the neck. I told my wife, ‘No more men.’ ” But when a friend of their son’s needed a home while he studied acting, they relented — “and he stayed for three years.”

Fast forward to this year, when Owen heard about an innovative San Francisco nonprofit called Home Match. It seemed better, he says, than the “by guess and by golly” approach they’d always used in taking in tenants. Recently the O’Donnells welcomed Mary Alice Rodrigues, a returning student who came to them through Home Match. The program brings together older people with spare rooms in their home and others seeking stable, affordable shared housing. It can provide help with household chores and reduce loneliness, and sometimes homelessness.

According to Home Match’s S.F. program manager, Merrie Keoduangkham, 500 to 600 matches have already been made in San Francisco, Marin and Alameda counties through the system. “We help house mates find each other,” she says. “You’re not building new buildings, but making use of infrastructure that’s already there.” Keoduangkham emphasizes that every participant is different. “Some people want to keep to themselves; others are interested in friendship,” she says. Home Match serves both parties by ensuring room readiness and verifying income.

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Over many years of sharing their home, Kris and Owen O’Donnell have formed lasting friendships. Their first au pair — they had more than a few — returned for a visit every year for 15 years. Another has returned five times. In turn, they have made many visits abroad and attended a number of weddings. 

Owen worked for 20 years as a lawyer, then became a stockbroker and a money manager working with startups. Kris was first a schoolteacher and then worked for San Francisco School Volunteers, which trains people and places them in elementary schools throughout the city. Not only were nannies and au pairs a major help when their kids were growing up; their different cultures and life experiences led to many enlightening conversations.

They’ve watched their corner of the Western Addition change. When they first moved in, Owen says, “You could stand on the corner of Divisadero and McAllister with a cannon, aim it south and hit no one — because Divisadero was empty of pedestrians. Today you’d hit someone in the first five feet.”

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Their new housemate, San Francisco native Mary Alice Rodrigues, has recently returned to the city to study addiction recovery counseling at City College and work as a part-time consultant. She hopes to help formerly incarcerated mothers. On weekends she and the O’Donnells dine together, and they share cleaning and laundry chores. 

Home sharing has its wrinkles that must be ironed out. At the O’Donnell house, one former tenant declined to do laundry because “she didn’t want anything to do with my underwear,” Owen recalls. “She didn’t last.” Another disappointment was their first Home Match client, a Ph.D. student totally focused on her studies. “She just came in the door and went upstairs,” Kris says. “She didn’t even come by the kitchen to say hello.” These are the sorts of things that can usually be settled by the personal interview and the 17-page lease agreement that precedes any decision-making. 

Some Home Match owners simply want a little additional income and maybe help with chores; others want companionship. Another San Francisco match is working well thanks to a tenant who sleeps days and works nights, which does not interrupt the daily routines of the apartment owner. 

That wouldn’t work at the O’Donnell house. There the newcomer finds not a house but a home. Once this becomes clear to everyone concerned, it’s a match.

If you have a room in your home you might share, contact Home Match.